You Cannot Do Everything.
Allow me to walk you through how it feels to have a brain like mine:
“I have to clean my room. What do I do for lunch? Did I write today? Did I switch off the stove? The planet is dying. I should do something about it. Why are the rich so negligent of everything? Taylor Swift is slaying. It’s 2023, why are wars still happening? Did I mail them back?… blah blah.”
Sometimes, I feel physical fatigue just thinking about how many thoughts I have. As a child, I used to get distracted by everything around me, and my mom had difficulty making me listen to her. Then, I was introduced to reading. My mind was suddenly silent. There was only me and the characters in the book. I liked that I was not distracted so much because sometimes the thoughts became so overwhelming that I did not know what to do. So, I just used to sit there in confusion.
I do not read as often now, but I find that reading is still a respite for me.
Even as I write this, it takes a huge mental effort on my part to think about what I am writing. My mind is constantly giving me ideas that I cannot execute. With this comes ‘the guilt of doing less.’
Sometimes, I sit and feel like I am doing nothing and that I could be doing more. There is always a sense of unworthiness. This can be detrimental to the work that you are actually doing.
Every time I open LinkedIn, I see people doing so much. I see people putting up all their achievements and voicing out their thoughts on subjects I have never read about. I get a major FOMO. I ask myself, “Why am I not doing that? Why am I not writing papers? Why am I not doing a PhD?”
Now, I have been given the privilege to do everything I want in life, and it is something that I do not take it lightly. There is this one question I ask myself before deciding on anything: “Am I doing this because I like it or because I think this will make me look good?”
Because I am mature now, I almost always choose the tasks that I know I like. I cannot promise that I always enjoy the things I do. Sometimes it might feel Sisyphean. There have been times when I wanted to just give up, but then at the end of the day, I have learned that if it matters to you, you will inevitably get up from your bed and do it.
In time, you will realize that you may not be doing everything, but you will be doing enough.
(Author’s Note: The digression that this story takes stays on point with it’s theme. Thanks!)
