Old Emails

Taylor swift is a creative genius.

Some people can take what they feel and put it into words. But only a handful can make others feel the same through words.

As I sat in my room listening to Taylor’s ‘Midnight Rain’, I suddenly remembered a whiff of the past. I hope I can gather enough words to explain what I felt.

Seven years ago, I was a completely different person. As it so happens with everyone, I slowly found myself changing with each year. Fundamentally I still stayed true to my values but I changed. So you can imagine the shock I felt when I went through some of my old emails.

It’s funny because I actually composed an email to an old (now lost) friend of mine telling them about a deeply traumatic dream and they laughed at it. You see, this friend, let’s call them William. William and I never clicked but I kept trying to be their friend. Every time I talked with William , I got tired of life. But I knew that William was a nice person so I kept trying.

Isn’t that a failed logic? You get so tired of a person but you never let go because they are supposedly nice. Why can’t we let go of certain people? Why do we wait till the breaking point?

William never tried understanding me. I always put up with their tantrums. Of course there were other factors and friends involved in these minute misunderstandings that somehow seemed colossal at that time.

We reached our breaking point and completely stopped all forms of communication. It’s funny because it is as easy for people to move out of your life as it was for them to come in it.

William taught me that it is never okay to put up with someone just because they are nice. You should never have to put up with a person. That in itself is a breaking point. It is completely okay to walk away from a someone who traumatizes you.

Coming back to the emails. I have to say that spontaneously searching for my old emails on a Monday evening had me questioning certain parts of my life.

Did I really compose that mail? What was I thinking? Was I really friends with this guy? Why did I use so many lols? Did she just call me self-centered because I started my sentence with an ‘I’?

That I think sums it all up ;)